| | Rich Girl Dating application (its long) | |
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+6Link SexyKammy Swiss Mentally Unstable SuPa iBlacknite2.0 10 posters | Author | Message |
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iBlacknite2.0 Veteran Member Lv3: F***ing Heavy Poster!!
Number of posts : 2728 Age : 35 Location : Darkness Mood : Points : 424 Registration date : 2007-11-01
Character sheet Weapon: Eyes Class: Knight HP: (50/50)
| Subject: Rich Girl Dating application (its long) Tue Mar 04, 2008 1:27 am | |
| APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.
NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________
HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________
SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________
BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________________
HOME ADDRESS_______________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______
Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No If No, explain: _____________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________
Number of years they have been married ________________________________________
If less than your age, explain __________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________
ACCESSORIES SECTION:
A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No
B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No
C. A waterbed? __Yes __No
D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No
E. A tattoo? __Yes __No
F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring? __Yes __No (IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION ; AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)
ESSAY SECTION:
In 50 words or less, what does 'LATE' mean to you? _____________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does 'DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER' mean to you?
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE' mean to you?
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
REFERENCES SECTION:
Church/Synagogue you attend __________________________________________
How o ften you attend ________________________________________________
When would be the best time to interview your:
father? _____________
mother? _____________
pastor/priest/rabbi? _____________
SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:
Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.
A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:
______________________________________________________________
B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:
______________________________________________________________
C: A woman's place is in the:
______________________________________________________________
D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is: &nb sp;
__________________________________________
E. What do you want to do IF you grow up?
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:
______________________________________________________________
G. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __________________
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
_______________________________________________________ Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)
_______________________________________________________ Mother's Signature
_______________________________________________________ Father's Signature
_______________________________________________________ Pastor/Priest /Rabbi
_______________________________________________________ State Representative/Congressman
Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing.
You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (you might watch your back);
To prepare yourself, start studying Daddy's Rules for Dating.
Daddy's Rules for Dating
Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten siz es too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a 'Barrier method' of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: 'early.'
Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to da te other gi rls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the a mbient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi . When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine. | |
| | | SuPa Seasoned Member
Number of posts : 107 Age : 36 Mood : Points : 25 Registration date : 2007-12-06
Character sheet Weapon: Class: HP: (50/50)
| Subject: Re: Rich Girl Dating application (its long) Tue Mar 04, 2008 9:40 pm | |
| I will stick to my poor girl. That is too much headhake. | |
| | | iBlacknite2.0 Veteran Member Lv3: F***ing Heavy Poster!!
Number of posts : 2728 Age : 35 Location : Darkness Mood : Points : 424 Registration date : 2007-11-01
Character sheet Weapon: Eyes Class: Knight HP: (50/50)
| Subject: Re: Rich Girl Dating application (its long) Wed Mar 05, 2008 12:29 am | |
| - Super Star wrote:
- I will stick to my poor girl. That is too much headhake.
lol, i know | |
| | | Mentally Unstable Moderator
Number of posts : 1080 Age : 36 Location : Somewhere Mood : Points : 112 Registration date : 2007-08-06
Character sheet Weapon: Sword of Despair Class: Martial Artist HP: (50/50)
| Subject: Re: Rich Girl Dating application (its long) Wed Mar 05, 2008 1:32 am | |
| Oh my god.... I'd apply but my only problem is Daddy | |
| | | Swiss Elite Member
Number of posts : 770 Age : 33 Location : Up North Mood : Points : 21 Registration date : 2007-08-06
Character sheet Weapon: 7 Swords Class: Monk HP: (50/50)
| Subject: Re: Rich Girl Dating application (its long) Thu Mar 06, 2008 10:29 am | |
| OGM me too, except I didn't read it, it's too freaking long . | |
| | | SexyKammy Super Elite Member
Number of posts : 1716 Age : 41 Mood : Points : 169 Registration date : 2007-07-30
Character sheet Weapon: Class: Viking HP: (50/50)
| Subject: Re: Rich Girl Dating application (its long) Thu Mar 06, 2008 10:40 am | |
| | |
| | | Link Admin
Number of posts : 1217 Age : 37 Location : Depths Of Cyberspace Mood : Points : 471 Registration date : 2007-07-26
Character sheet Weapon: Wooden Spoon of Ignorance Class: Red Mage HP: (50/50)
| Subject: Re: Rich Girl Dating application (its long) Thu Mar 06, 2008 11:54 pm | |
| | |
| | | Darkest Ice Resident Asshole
Number of posts : 189 Age : 36 Location : N/A Points : 17 Registration date : 2008-02-05
Character sheet Weapon: Ame-no-nuboko Class: Red Mage HP: (50/50)
| Subject: YUTE Tue Mar 11, 2008 2:05 am | |
| Bwoy da application mad still mi rate it yuh fudge. | |
| | | iBlacknite2.0 Veteran Member Lv3: F***ing Heavy Poster!!
Number of posts : 2728 Age : 35 Location : Darkness Mood : Points : 424 Registration date : 2007-11-01
Character sheet Weapon: Eyes Class: Knight HP: (50/50)
| Subject: Re: Rich Girl Dating application (its long) Tue Mar 11, 2008 2:07 am | |
| - Darkest Ice wrote:
- Bwoy da application mad still mi rate it yuh fudge.
AHHH MI BOSS, RESPECT | |
| | | RashyB Advanced Member
Number of posts : 197 Location : Lurking in the shadows. Points : 17 Registration date : 2007-07-30
Character sheet Weapon: Reverse Blade Katana Class: Ninja HP: (50/50)
| Subject: Re: Rich Girl Dating application (its long) Tue Mar 11, 2008 10:36 pm | |
| Is ur daughter some kinda royalty, cuz thats the only way i would consider applying.
here's something for u:
If u hear the bushes moving n a car driving away like a bat outa hell, thats ur daughter jumpin over the fence and getting into my car. | |
| | | ahmeer Veteran Member Lv3: F***ing Heavy Poster!!
Number of posts : 2648 Location : Where hackers live.. Mood : Points : 358 Registration date : 2007-10-29
| Subject: Re: Rich Girl Dating application (its long) Tue Apr 22, 2008 7:42 pm | |
| Only way i would apply is if that girl it a gold maker (application mad still) | |
| | | Link Admin
Number of posts : 1217 Age : 37 Location : Depths Of Cyberspace Mood : Points : 471 Registration date : 2007-07-26
Character sheet Weapon: Wooden Spoon of Ignorance Class: Red Mage HP: (50/50)
| Subject: Re: Rich Girl Dating application (its long) Wed Apr 23, 2008 8:41 am | |
| a f#@! that! I get kicked off way too early. I have piercings. I HOPE SHE BECOMES A PORN STAR!!! | |
| | | Darklord Demeitri Moderator
Number of posts : 1182 Age : 35 Location : Punnashville Mood : Points : 154 Registration date : 2007-10-12
Character sheet Weapon: Black Devil Genji Blade Class: Ninja HP: (50/50)
| Subject: Re: Rich Girl Dating application (its long) Thu Apr 24, 2008 11:55 pm | |
| - Link wrote:
- a f#@! that! I get kicked off way too early. I have piercings. I HOPE SHE BECOMES A PORN STAR!!!
hehehe | |
| | | iBlacknite2.0 Veteran Member Lv3: F***ing Heavy Poster!!
Number of posts : 2728 Age : 35 Location : Darkness Mood : Points : 424 Registration date : 2007-11-01
Character sheet Weapon: Eyes Class: Knight HP: (50/50)
| Subject: Re: Rich Girl Dating application (its long) Fri Apr 25, 2008 11:41 pm | |
| - Link wrote:
- a f#@! that! I get kicked off way too early. I have piercings. I HOPE SHE BECOMES A PORN STAR!!!
lol, wateva dude | |
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