happiness, loneliness, Envy, Sadness= relationship

Outwardly I portray happiness while inside I cry of loneliness.

What is happiness?
What is loneliness?

Is it alright to portray something that is not true…? Why would a person do something like that… isn’t it better to let the world know what is going on in your heart and mind.

It feels good knowing that your friend thinks your all perky and happy… doesn’t it... isn’t it better to draw a blind over there eyes..?

Everyday I wake up with frown on my face… I look in the mirror and screw… I cut my eyes; I fight…. I walk out my door and all the world sees is a beautiful smile… a contented young lady. Destined to influence the lives of others….

You know what I know? I know that directly under that mask I’m crying… I’m screaming to be the front’ I’m portraying... because she is who I want to be… she is the girl that keeps me going everyday… she is the girl that captures the eyes of the world…
I’ve become so jealous of her… watch her prance around; watch her smile her way through situations… even so watch her get discounts in the stores… I’m jealous of her... I could never do any of that… only her, only she can be so influential…..

What if I don’t put her up front one day… what if I let her stand in the Backgrounds and watch as I ruin her status… will she ever forgive me... Will she ever return to the surface or will I just have to carry us through the rest of the way…..

I cannot let myself out… all I am is loneliness…. All I do is cry…. I’m only aloud out in closed spaces; private dorms… when it’s just her and me... That’s when she lets me out to cry… I hold my pillows tight and tears fill my eyes, at first they burn then they flow; they never stop flowing…. I murmur I squeal… my head begins to hurt... my throat begins to swell… my nose starts to block… my eyes turn red….

She gives me a few minutes to get myself together… I have to obey… for we have to go meet with her friends…

My head is still hurting my nose is still blocked… she makes excuses for me…. Like “I think I’m coming down with a cold…. Don’t mind me.”…

At times I feel strong to overcome her and be me... I’m sure my friends will like me for me… I’m sure my lover will love me for….. Not me…… her…. She got him... he’s her lover... not mine…

“Outwardly I portray happiness while inside I cry of loneliness”

This came from experience, just the realisation of one day in my life... i realised that i have a relationship with myself, one off happiness lonliness, jealousy and sadness. And so does everybody else.. When You approach the world, is it the same you as when you are in a secluded room by yourself?

Dont mistake for being fake, or, putting on an appearance... take it as balancing who you are... through science it is said that the individuals character/ personality changes through time and experience. But think does the previous personality set you once had, has it truly been diminished, or does it survive surpressed. Think about the relationship you have with yourself, and is it a healthy one lol!

Just a note for some thought as i have realised y i am the way i am ultrahappy

how poor-thing you don't have to cry no more.
your story has made me look at things differently, i tough i was the only one feeling that way, and now that i know am not alone i give me hope.

Super Star wrote:: how poor-thing you don't have to cry no more.
your story has made me look at things differently, i tough i was the only one feeling that way, and now that i know am not alone i give me hope.

awwwwwwwww... remember, or look into the meaning of it... do have a previous personality surpressed within yourself... that you may feel that it carries a lot of burdens due to the demands of society including work, culture, and responsibilities... afro

tauriteka wrote:: Outwardly I portray happiness while inside I cry of loneliness.

What is happiness?
What is loneliness?

Is it alright to portray something that is not true…? Why would a person do something like that… isn’t it better to let the world know what is going on in your heart and mind.

It feels good knowing that your friend thinks your all perky and happy… doesn’t it... isn’t it better to draw a blind over there eyes..?

Everyday I wake up with frown on my face… I look in the mirror and screw… I cut my eyes; I fight…. I walk out my door and all the world sees is a beautiful smile… a contented young lady. Destined to influence the lives of others….

You know what I know? I know that directly under that mask I’m crying… I’m screaming to be the front’ I’m portraying... because she is who I want to be… she is the girl that keeps me going everyday… she is the girl that captures the eyes of the world…
I’ve become so jealous of her… watch her prance around; watch her smile her way through situations… even so watch her get discounts in the stores… I’m jealous of her... I could never do any of that… only her, only she can be so influential…..

What if I don’t put her up front one day… what if I let her stand in the Backgrounds and watch as I ruin her status… will she ever forgive me... Will she ever return to the surface or will I just have to carry us through the rest of the way…..

I cannot let myself out… all I am is loneliness…. All I do is cry…. I’m only aloud out in closed spaces; private dorms… when it’s just her and me... That’s when she lets me out to cry… I hold my pillows tight and tears fill my eyes, at first they burn then they flow; they never stop flowing…. I murmur I squeal… my head begins to hurt... my throat begins to swell… my nose starts to block… my eyes turn red….

She gives me a few minutes to get myself together… I have to obey… for we have to go meet with her friends…

My head is still hurting my nose is still blocked… she makes excuses for me…. Like “I think I’m coming down with a cold…. Don’t mind me.”…

At times I feel strong to overcome her and be me... I’m sure my friends will like me for me… I’m sure my lover will love me for….. Not me…… her…. She got him... he’s her lover... not mine…

“Outwardly I portray happiness while inside I cry of loneliness”

nicely writen, i like ur style.
The cure for all those is a having kwl friends, like the UTECH Jamaica JBC crew. We all have something about us thats special, we all have our purpose, either to entertain, criticize, inform, act crazy, do some sick shit, argue or bitch alott. Get some friends like that. Cool

Last edited by Papouch on Sun Mar 02, 2008 3:41 pm; edited 1 time in total

tauriteka wrote:: Outwardly I portray happiness while inside I cry of loneliness.

What is happiness?
What is loneliness?

Is it alright to portray something that is not true…? Why would a person do something like that… isn’t it better to let the world know what is going on in your heart and mind.

It feels good knowing that your friend thinks your all perky and happy… doesn’t it... isn’t it better to draw a blind over there eyes..?

Everyday I wake up with frown on my face… I look in the mirror and screw… I cut my eyes; I fight…. I walk out my door and all the world sees is a beautiful smile… a contented young lady. Destined to influence the lives of others….

You know what I know? I know that directly under that mask I’m crying… I’m screaming to be the front’ I’m portraying... because she is who I want to be… she is the girl that keeps me going everyday… she is the girl that captures the eyes of the world…
I’ve become so jealous of her… watch her prance around; watch her smile her way through situations… even so watch her get discounts in the stores… I’m jealous of her... I could never do any of that… only her, only she can be so influential…..

What if I don’t put her up front one day… what if I let her stand in the Backgrounds and watch as I ruin her status… will she ever forgive me... Will she ever return to the surface or will I just have to carry us through the rest of the way…..

I cannot let myself out… all I am is loneliness…. All I do is cry…. I’m only aloud out in closed spaces; private dorms… when it’s just her and me... That’s when she lets me out to cry… I hold my pillows tight and tears fill my eyes, at first they burn then they flow; they never stop flowing…. I murmur I squeal… my head begins to hurt... my throat begins to swell… my nose starts to block… my eyes turn red….

She gives me a few minutes to get myself together… I have to obey… for we have to go meet with her friends…

My head is still hurting my nose is still blocked… she makes excuses for me…. Like “I think I’m coming down with a cold…. Don’t mind me.”…

At times I feel strong to overcome her and be me... I’m sure my friends will like me for me… I’m sure my lover will love me for….. Not me…… her…. She got him... he’s her lover... not mine…

“Outwardly I portray happiness while inside I cry of loneliness”

I told you, you should leave that guy alone. lol!

It's good to know that you finally realized before it's too late. I HOPE

your good at putting your feelings in writting and showing it to the world. and the loneliness,envy sadness you feel at time is a small price to pay for true happiness .